MY eXcESSES

An obvious change comes comes about one's universe during journey from being a heartthrob (aka,fulfiller of gals heartfelt desires) to being a heartbroken (only one is broken,the other is out poaching). 'Obvious' because there is a quick reduction in the orkut friend list,change in cell tariff plan and hello tune. One's near and dear ones always have more details than the man in question. Alas,Charlie Chaplin also once stood 3rd in a lookalike contest for himself !!!!!,so,this phenomenon comes as no big wonder. With utmost respect for the values Indian women stand for,I still have not been able to understand the poor performance of FEMMEle Indian footballer on field when their kicking habits are beyond comparison. Yours truly has on few occasion stood as a stand-in for football and has first hand experience and expertise to comment on the matter.

One of the first changes that come about is transformation of oneself to a position where you may easily compete with the spokesman of the best political parties. FRIENDS need details(both censored and uncensored,more of uncensored) because they have to provide you a shoulder to cry (or at least try to.....),and have to stave of different allegations leveled against you and get a clean chit from the high level committee (the gals friends) constituted to probe the incident as well as facilitate the transition (exchange the gifts,incriminating photographs,love letters).You also have to quickly constitute a group of lawyers (your most loyal friends) to provide legal support and to quickly dispel the rumors.

Even with the most detailed measures putting the best run institutions to shame,the guy has to take most(99.99%) blame. One cannot obviously (break a heart),it does not matter if the girl had been more interested on you being her chauffeur or lately joined a competition to put Attila the Hun to shame. It is almost always because of the guy getting that other girl(aka bitch,witch and what not....) into his life and paying her more attention or being toooo possesive and forbiding the gal to stay out lateee into the night with her new friends(all guys). You are either not understanding or taking too much liberty.

Once you are out of the ordeal,a minimun 6 months probation is clamped against you. During the period you are to live the life of Devdas (why,why,why),drinking your pains out and never looking at any girl. A minor look or phone call disqualifies you of any future clemency and condemns you to be Lucifer.You are also supposed to remain silent as your Ex(I couldn't resist the word) explores new frontiers with that new 'Sooo understanding' guy in her life and tries to come out of the trauma. You are even supposed to grow up and call her on their FIXXing day and congratulating her even as she takes the quickest route to abuse you whenever you have called for a flag meeting.

After the compulsory period is over,you have to shoulder the burden of being single once again (AMCians aptly title him MAMA). Your past always lurks around you so that any attempt to strike any conversation with a girl is quickly foiled. Braving all odds as you discover independence, you are said to be spent bullet,heartbroken. Few doubt that you have got your due.

Soon,you discover that there are other 'GOOD' girls that you overlooked and with a quick apology to yourself,try to find a new hope. If your attempt survives the spying eyes of your Ex and her cronies,you again start as they call a new day,new life (no relation with kandhamal) and hope that you don't have to publish this post again (which most of the time proves futile........)


AS SOMEONE APTLY SAID "WHEN WOMEN ARE INVOLVED,THE UNEXPECTED ALWAYS HAPPENS".....